I had 4 hours of sleep last night. Up at 6. Reading Meditation Stretching Trash out to the street Walk Then Spark deliveries all day. It is 8pm and I am just getting home. I am exhausted. And if I am honest? Gerald was loud today. You know that voice. “Are you doing enough?”“Does this even matter?”“Who do you think you are?”“What if you never build the life you see in your head?” I questioned everything. When you are trying to break generations of trauma, poverty, survival mode… some days it...
1 day ago • 1 min read
Why is it so hard for us to love ourselves? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. A reel I recorded the other day cracked something open. I am 36, almost 37, and I can honestly say I spent most of my life not liking who I was. Not because I was broken. But because of what I learned before I ever had words. As a little girl, I related to my mom. Most girls do. And looking back now, I can see she never loved herself. She never healed her wounds. I did not decide to hate myself. I...
3 days ago • 1 min read
SEATTLE WON THE SUPER BOWL. 🏆💙 LET’S. FUCKING. GO. Ok. Now that my nervous system is riding a Seahawks high… Here is what hit me today while I was out driving. Car after car passed me. Heads down. Eyes glued to phones. Barely looking at the road. And I thought, this is how most people live. Heads down in life. On autopilot. No awareness of what is happening around them. No awareness of what is happening inside them. No awareness of where they are even heading. Then they crash. Burnout....
4 days ago • 1 min read
Super Bowl Sunday. We’re heading to hang with friends later, eat some food, watch the game, enjoy the night. Go Seahawks (always). 💚💙 But earlier today, I had a quiet realization I want to share. Yesterday was full in a good way. Friends. Coffee. Movement. Work. Games. Life. And yet… I found myself disappointed with myself. Not because the day was bad but because I skipped a few things that matter deeply to me. I didn’t read. I rushed my meditation, stretching and journaling. I didn’t get my...
5 days ago • 1 min read
I slept in a little this morning. Not rushing or panicking. Just slow, quiet coffee in my hands. Then some friends texted us asking if we wanted to meet for coffee. We hadn’t seen them in a while, so we went. Laughed. Talked. Caught up. After that, we came home, grabbed a bite to eat, then headed out to do some deliveries for the afternoon. Nothing glamorous. Just moving, being productive, being in the day. Around four, I went and played pickleball with some friends while Ev headed home to...
6 days ago • 1 min read
This week was heavy for me. New certification work. Deep personal stuff coming up. The kind of week where you feel it in your body, not just your head. So tonight, I’m doing something simple and grounding. I’m meeting a friend and playing squash for the second time ever. Nothing dramatic. Just movement. Laughter. Being human again. And earlier today, I spent a few hours rebuilding the foundations of Chaotic Minds Society inside the free community. Not flashy. Not overnight success energy....
7 days ago • 1 min read
I used to tell my wife something that was terrifying to say out loud. “I don’t want to be here anymore.” And every time, I rushed to explain. It wasn’t that I wanted to die. I didn’t want my life to end. I just wanted the noise in my head to stop. The nonstop thoughts, tight chest and the feeling that my own mind was a room I couldn’t escape. I wanted peace. In my head, my body and in my being. Back then, it honestly felt like the only way I would ever get that peace was to not be here at...
8 days ago • 1 min read
Today feels a little heavy. Not in a dramatic, world-is-ending way. Just… emotional. I started a new coaching program yesterday. And if I am being honest, I was not fully prepared for how deep we went right out of the gate. You know that feeling when you open a door you thought you were ready for… and your nervous system goes, “Oh. We are doing THIS today.” Yeah. That. So today I am feeling the emotional aftershock of that work. Instead of fighting it, instead of telling myself I should be...
9 days ago • 1 min read
I signed up for a coaching program that honestly scares the hell out of me. Not just because it costs more than what I have right now. It does. That part alone made my stomach drop. It means I am going to have to be resourceful. Do more deliveries. Pick up extra work. Do things I do not necessarily want to do. But that is not what made my anxiety spike this morning. What really hit was showing up for the first session. Right before it started, that fucking voice in my head (Gerald) got loud....
10 days ago • 2 min read