Let me tell you what today looked like.

A few days ago we dropped a chunk of money getting our car fixed. New tires, alignment, back brakes. Then my wife goes out to do deliveries and calls me, the car is acting up.

Long story short, the alternator is bad and we had to get it towed home.

So today I bought the part online, had our neighbor drive me to pick it up, found a mobile mechanic to come to us, and while he was working on the car I was outside mowing our overgrown lawn.

30 minutes later, he calls me over to tell me it is the wrong alternator and on the way over to hear that news... I fell and messed up my ankle.

So I am standing there, ankle screaming, trying to hold a conversation with this guy like a normal human being... nodding and trying to keep it together.

I walked inside and lost it... crying, angry, overwhelmed and I took some of it out on my wife who was trying to help me.

I am not proud of that but I'm not going to pretend it did not happen either.

Because here's the thing about doing this work... regulating your emotions in real time is some of the hardest work there is and nobody talks about what it actually looks like when you are in the middle of it.

It does not look like calm breathing and a peaceful moment of reflection.

Sometimes it looks like this:

• Falling apart
• Raising your voice
• Crying on a Tuesday because the alternator is wrong and your ankle hurts and the trip you were working toward is not happening and everything just hit at once

Here is the lesson I am living today and what I work on with my clients:

1. Name what is actually happening

I was not just upset about the alternator. I was at my capacity. The car, the money, the cancelled trip, the situation with our friends, all of it stacked. When you lose it over something small it is almost never about the small thing. Name the full stack.

2. Remove yourself before you wreck something

I didn't do this perfectly today but I knew I needed to. The moment I walked in the door I recognized I was not okay.

Removing yourself is not weakness. It is the most responsible thing you can do when you are flooded.

3. Breathe first. Process second. Talk third.

You cannot have a productive conversation, make a good decision, or show up for anyone else when your nervous system is in full alarm mode. Slow the breath down first - low and slow breathing. Everything else comes after.

This is one of the things I work on with my clients because emotional regulation is not a personality trait you either have or you do not. It is a skill and like every skill it takes practice, it looks messy in the middle, and some days you are going to fall short of where you want to be.

That does not mean you are failing. It means you are human and still in it.

Today I am still in it and tomorrow I will try again.

PROUD OF YOU 💙

Walking with you,

Leasha

Enlifted Coach | Founder, Chaotic Minds Society

When you are ready, here is how I can walk with you more closely…

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