Let me get real with you today because I have been on both sides of this one.

I used to say it all the time.

Not because I was being lazy or making excuses but because I genuinely did not know anything different. I was so deep in survival mode, depression, anxiety, mood swings running everything and everyone around me was the same way.

That was just life. That was just how people were. I didn't know another way existed.

So when something came up, when someone called me out, when I could feel myself being difficult or reactive or shutting down... I would just shrug and say it.

That's just who I am and I believed it.

But I have also been on the other side of it.

I had a best friend for over a decade and whenever I would tell him that something he did hurt me, he had a response ready.

Every single time.

For a long time I accepted that. I told myself it was self-awareness. That at least he was being honest about it. That I should just adjust my expectations and stop being hurt by someone who had already warned me.

But here is what I eventually realized: knowing you are being a bad friend and using that as a reason not to change is not self-awareness.

It is a cop-out.

If you know you are causing harm and you choose not to do anything about it because "that is just who you are"... that is a choice. You are choosing the pattern over the person and that is something completely different.

I had to grieve that friendship when I finally walked away from it.

And I had to grieve another one more recently... someone else who, when I tried to have a conversation about what was happening between us, basically shut it down and said the same thing.

This is just who I am. I don't care to change it.

I left it alone.

Because I have learned something painful and true on this journey:

I cannot want healing for someone more than they want it for themselves. I cannot keep shrinking, keep people-pleasing, and keep holding onto relationships that are dragging me back into who I used to be just because I am scared to let go.

That is not loyalty. That is self-abandonment.

Here is what I want you to take from all of this:

"That's just who I am" is one of the most expensive phrases a person can live by. Because the moment you say it and mean it... the moment you let it become your final answer, you hand your power to a version of yourself that was built in survival mode and call it a personality.

But here is the truth:

You are not your patterns, your history or the sum of every way you have hurt people or been hurt or fallen short or stayed stuck.

Those are things you learned and learned things can be unlearned.

I know because I've had to look in the mirror and own my part in a lot of things.

I've done shitty things to people because I was hurting. I have apologized, taken ownership and I've done the work to be different.

Not because it was easy because I cared enough about becoming someone better to stop hiding behind who I used to be.

That is the difference.

You can change it. If you care enough, you can change it.

The ball is always in your court.

PROUD OF YOU 💙

Walking with you,

Leasha

Certified Enlifted Coach | Founder, Chaotic Minds Society

When you are ready, here is how I can walk with you more closely…

1:1 Coaching with me: If you are tired of white-knuckling through it alone and ready to actually get to the root of what has been running your life, this is what I do. Reply with the word "READY" and let's have a real conversation about what working together looks like. No pressure. Just an open door.