For most of my life I thought I was just tired.

Not tired like I needed more sleep. Tired like I was dragging something heavy everywhere I went and could not figure out what it was or why it would not go away no matter what I did.

I just assumed that was life.

Nobody told me any different.

Here's some of what I was actually carrying.

I was 10 years old when my parents got divorced and it was not the quiet kind. I got put in the middle of it. Things were said to me that a 10 year old should never have to hear. Things that landed somewhere deep and stayed there because I did not have anywhere to put them and nobody to help me make sense of them.

My mom was not emotionally there. She was surviving her own life, her own pain, her own version of keeping her head down and moving forward. So I learned what she knew which was to not talk about it, not feel it, just keep going.

Two years later I was in a car wreck.

I survived. My brother did not. He was 16.

And nobody, not one person, sat me down and helped me figure out what to do with that. No one showed me how to grieve it, how to carry it, how to let myself feel the weight of losing him. The answer was the same answer it had always been in my world.

Time heals everything.

Keep moving. Do not look too closely. It will get easier.

So that is what I did.

I kept moving.

For 24 years.

And here is what keeping moving actually looked like:

Heavy. All the time. That low constant heaviness that I could never fully explain and could never fully shake. Exhausted in a way that sleep never fixed. Moody, reactive, shutting down, running from anything that threatened to make me feel something I had buried.

I was not tired.

I was full.

Full of a 10 year old's pain that never got processed. Full of a 12 year old's grief that never got felt. Full of everything that happened in between that I was told time would heal and time never did.

Because time does not heal it.

Feeling it heals it.

Somewhere on this journey I finally started to understand what was actually underneath all of that heaviness and it was not some character flaw. It was not weakness. It was not just who I was.

It was everything I had never been given permission to feel.

Everything that got buried because the people around me were buried too. Because nobody in my world knew how to do this. Because survival mode does not leave room for processing... it just keeps you moving so you never have to stop and feel what is chasing you.

I was not running because I was strong.

I was running because stopping felt like it might kill me.

If you grew up in a house where feelings were not talked about... where you were told to keep moving and let time do its thing... where something happened that nobody helped you carry...

The heaviness you feel is not random.

It is everything you were never taught how to feel and it has been waiting for you this whole time.

Not to destroy you.

To finally be seen.

That is the work. And it is some of the most important work you will ever do.

You do not have to keep running from it.

PROUD OF YOU 💙

Walking with you,

Leasha

Certified Enlifted Coach | Founder, Chaotic Minds Society

When you are ready, here is how I can walk with you more closely…

1:1 Coaching with me: If you are tired of white-knuckling through it alone and ready to actually get to the root of what has been running your life, this is what I do. Reply with the word "READY" and let's have a real conversation about what working together looks like. No pressure. Just an open door.