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I almost talked myself out of this...
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I signed up for a coaching program that honestly scares the hell out of me. Not just because it costs more than what I have right now. It does. That part alone made my stomach drop. It means I am going to have to be resourceful. Do more deliveries. Pick up extra work. Do things I do not necessarily want to do. But that is not what made my anxiety spike this morning. What really hit was showing up for the first session. Right before it started, that fucking voice in my head (Gerald) got loud. “Just cancel.” “You can pull out.” “You do not need this.” “You can do this on your own.” “Why put yourself in this position?” Old Leasha would have listened. Old Leasha would have backed out, stayed hidden, and convinced herself it was the “smart” choice. That is how I lived most of my life. When discomfort showed up, I ran. When fear got loud, I hid. When anxiety spiked, I stayed small. But I have learned something about myself. When that urge to run shows up… It usually means I am standing right next to a breakthrough. One of the questions I got asked on the call today pushed straight into that anxiety. Why do I get so anxious in certain situations? Why does being put on the spot make my body want to disappear? And the honest answer? I do not know. I do not remember a lot of my childhood after my brother’s car accident. There are gaps. There are blanks. So I cannot give a clean answer yet. But I do know this: There is a reason. That is something this journey has taught me. Our reactions do not come out of nowhere. Anxiety does not just exist for fun. It learned something somewhere. So instead of pushing it away or judging myself for it, I am going to do the work. I am going to sit with it. Write it out. Use the LIST Method like I always do when something keeps looping in my head. I am going to slow it down enough to see it clearly. And then work backward. When did I first feel this? I do not know what will come up yet. But I know this is how I get answers. And if there is something ruminating in your head right now… Something making your chest tight. Something you keep avoiding thinking about… I challenge you to do the same. Get it out of your head. On paper. In the LIST Method app. Anywhere it can stop bouncing around your nervous system. Do not try to fix it. Just look at it. See it clearly. Because clarity is always the first step out of survival mode. That is what I am doing right now, in real time. No pretending, bypassing or hiding. ​Grab The LIST Method™ App ​​ PROUD OF YOU 💙 Walking with you, Leasha ​ P.S. My CMS Daily Check-In CORE: 1 CLARITY: 1 CONNECTION: 1 CREATION: 1 ​ Total: 4 / 4 ​ P.P.S. Seriously... reply with "COFFEE" and I’ll send you my calendar. Let's connect. You don’t have to carry it alone. |
Chaotic Minds Society
Join 689+ fearless souls getting real, raw, and transformative emails that help you break free from depression, anxiety, and feeling stuck... without the fluff, toxic positivity, or cookie-cutter advice.đź“Ą3-minute daily emails designed to spark breakthroughs, one small shift at a time.
You have been here for a bit now, Reader. Reading.Thinking.Showing up. I do not take that lightly. That is exactly why I think you would be perfect for this. I am relaunching my coaching program soon. But before I do… I want it built for the right people. The ones who: Overthink everything. Question if they are doing enough. Feel stuck in patterns they cannot break. Are trying to rewrite family cycles without a roadmap. I have launched before. This time, I want it sharper. Built around what...
I had 4 hours of sleep last night. Up at 6. Reading Meditation Stretching Trash out to the street Walk Then Spark deliveries all day. It is 8pm and I am just getting home. I am exhausted. And if I am honest? Gerald was loud today. You know that voice. “Are you doing enough?”“Does this even matter?”“Who do you think you are?”“What if you never build the life you see in your head?” I questioned everything. When you are trying to break generations of trauma, poverty, survival mode… some days it...
Why is it so hard for us to love ourselves? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. A reel I recorded the other day cracked something open. I am 36, almost 37, and I can honestly say I spent most of my life not liking who I was. Not because I was broken. But because of what I learned before I ever had words. As a little girl, I related to my mom. Most girls do. And looking back now, I can see she never loved herself. She never healed her wounds. I did not decide to hate myself. I...